There is a difference between Tracey circa last week and Tracey, 2/18/08. I think I’ve turned a bit of a corner in my faith and in my growth.
Last week was all about me. Me, me, me. Losing the book deal, car needing $500 of work, blah, blah blah.
Then, the beginning of revelation came on Valentine’s day when my sweetheart shared his perspective on the book issue. While I bemoaned the evils of the publishing industry, he, in his very frank manner said, “didn’t God call you to write these books or do you need the carrot of money or a book deal to push you to do what God has called you to do anyway? Just keep writing it, Tracey.”
To you, that may sound simple enough but for me, it was an eye opening look into what I’d unknowingly been doing over the last year or so. God gave me a vision of a book and instead of writing it, I was waiting on the incentive of man. If someone offered me a paid gig then I would jump on it… would work all night long to finish it… but when it came to what God called me to write, I struggled with being disciplined. And as much as I hate to think about it like this, that attitude really does translate into disobediance.
That’s hard even now to admit although I suspect it is easy enough to find yourself on that train.
If He called me to write these books on Fear as I know he has and they will be challenging to the body of Christ as I know they will be…what is really taking me so long? The vision is for an appointed time whether I decide to adhere to His word or not. That scares me…and that’s just the kick in the butt that I need to get to writing.