Sometimes I wonder why God called me to write. Yes, words do come to me easily. Revelation? Not so much. There was a time when my heart would overflow with these amazing inspirations and sentiments that could have only come from God because I could never recognize myself in the writings. In those moments, it seemed like my only task was to make sure that His words didn’t get lost in translation between my mind/heart and the paper. I still have those moments although admittedly because of my own “stuff” they are not as frequent as they used to be. Now, on some days, I can stare at my computer screen for hours and the only thing that is revealed to me is my painful inadequacy.
BUT… (and I guess here is one of those golden moments) there is one thing that I do know for sure. It is in the middle of my uncertainty; in the midst of my most obvious humanity that I’m the most pliable. I’m the most useful to God and His Kingdom purposes and agendas when I’m at my most broken.
I think it is because the next time He allows me to have one of those awesome revelatory moments of clarity, I can be absolutely sure that it all comes from HIM!
2 Replies to “In My Brokeness, God Can Use Me.”
This is one poem that He gave me in one of those moments of brokenness:FREEDOM (part 1)I am bombarded by the feelings insideBegging me to let them beLet the door of my soul be open wide..And somewhere in the tortuous chambers of my heartThere’s a presence that wants to be freeBut in my world of misplaced affectionsAnd entangled emotionsHow am I to know which one is real?Who or what can help me understandThe rumblings in my inner man?The hidden fears and morbid fantasiesThe mass of garbled voices and distorted realitiesAll competing for the attention of one person….. MeHow am I to go forward when I don’t see a courseInsecurities filter inAnd of peace – there seems to be no sourceI am tired, but restlessI am weary, but I have to go onHeld captive by the world’s demandsYet in all the noise – I sense a beckoningTogging at my heartOr is it someone calling? A nagging sound at the back of my mindIf only the voice was clearer, a little louderLoud enough to penetrate the warring stillness In the deep, dark recesses of my soulStrong enough to penetrate the dreams and imaginations,That grab me night and daySo that I miss opportunities and deny valuable connections,That come my way!Oh, who can understand???I am so tired, I have to sit downBut there’s no time – too much to doBut I’m so tired – I must sit downI’m held captive by the world’s demandsHow can I rest, where can I rest??I go now into a tormented sleepFor even here, there’s no freedom from the dramaThat is my life……. Help me somebody!!…………..FREEDOM (Part 2)God if you hear meMy spirit needs YouI’m overwhelmed by lifeBondaged by worries and caresMy mind is pierced throughBy thoughts of failure and despairAnd You said that you are able to relieve my burdensSo come now and purify the airOf my soul…..Oh I feel the calmNot a fighting anymore, but a sweet calmThank you GodAll is made whole……..The wrestlings, frustrations, worries and fearsAll enveloped in His healing balmThe realities of my life – seen from a new perspectiveMy desires – molded by new directivesHa ha – so let the stresses come and insecurities ariseI see them now through God’s eyesI can deal with themI can now rest, truly restIn a peace and freedom only He has given meInvigorated, regenerated, renewedWalking now in the path He’s hewedI am bombarded by convictions insideAnd I will let them beThe door of my soul – open wideFor in the chambers of my heartThere’s a Spirit that has set me free.He’s an awesome God. The Master poet.
Wonderful poem! So true of life.