In a recent rant about my very minor men trouble (sorry, bay) a good friend of mine said something quite profound. Actually she posed it as a question. She asked, “Are you in this relationship for what he can do for you or for what you can do for him?” That’s Funny. I’d never thought about that and I told her as much. Later I answered in my typical transparent fashion. I said, “I think that in some ways I’m in this relationship in order for him to fulfill the things that I feel are missing in me.” On the surface, that seemed okay. We are all looking for people to complement us (That’s my way of steering clear of the whole Jerry Maguire-ish ‘you complete me’ statement). However, then she said something that I swear could have only come from the mouth of God. She said, “In a relationship, Tracey, you should be spending most of your time trying to out-love the person you are with. You should be constantly thinking of ways to love him better than the day before.”
And she’s right. Thanks, Ang.
If our dating (and ultimately marital) relationships are supposed to mirror the relationship that we should be striving to have with God, then each party should spend less time being concerned about what their person is doing for them and spend most of the time figuring out ways to love him or her more. But of course, most of us struggle with finding ways to love God more in spite of his continuous and unconditional love for our sin-ridden selves… so obviously it is going to prove troublesome to try to love someone who’s humanity is just as faulty as ours. Yet there is something to be said about trying to outlove a person. No matter who it is…mom, dad, friend, or foe. What would it be like to spend every moment trying to outlove a person? Actually, it kind of sparks a little bit of my competitive side. In fact, I’m thinking of ways that I can love God first, then my man better than the day before. Which, if I think about it, keeps my brain from focusing on what I think I’m missing and gives God the opportunity to fill those holes in me…that my man could never fix anyway.
Awesome. I think I’ll start now.